I'm Just a girl

facing life. head-on.

this morning i woke up to these words.

one day.

on Wednesday night i lost my sweet little Lola Bella in a devastating accident.

Lola was my constant little companion.

she followed me everywhere i went.

i live alone and have for over a year now.

i love being on my own.

i love my home.

but know that i am not an "alone" girl.

a few months ago Brooke asked me if i would be willing to take her roomate's wild little dog.

i fell in love instantly.

Lola was just like me.

blonde and wild.

just a puppy.

learning.

Lola love to cuddle on the back of my neck.

if i was working on my laptop she was curled up around my neck.

loved this sweet girl.

i will miss her dearly.

Wednesday night i was in shock.

yesterday.

devastated.

the reality of it hit me hard.

yesterday was tough.

sometimes life is just that.

tough.

yesterday i went up and down emotionally.

at one point i felt like what more.

how much can one girl take.

i put on my workout stuff and i got my butt outside.

and i walked.

and walked.

tears were shed.

i was sad.

mad.

i kept walking.

the sun was out.

i had the music cranked.

i was walking as fast and hard as i could.

my mind raced.

then this song came on.

 

i have never heard it.

but the words were exactly what i needed.

i have said it before.

i believe in a God who knows me.

he knows what adversity i can handle.

it is something that i hold onto.

trials will come.

and what i know.

we get through it.

we learn from them.

if we are open.

that is the hard part.

not closing down.

which is the hard part for me.

when i get down staying down.

for me.

getting out and walking was just what i needed.

sunshine.

fresh air.

a reminder that i am small.

this amazing world is so huge and there is so much for me to be grateful for.

i will miss my sweet lola bella girl.

but.

i will be ok.

today is a new day.

i am ready to face it.

head on.

today my trues are coming for a sleepy.

can't wait.

perfect timing.

just what i need.

time with friends.

looking forward to the weekend.

Spring is here.

get out.

enjoy!

it's a choice.

kiss kiss

m.

ps. thank you all for the amazing support on line yesterday. i was touched beyond words.

 

hello Monday. Hello snow. Hello first day of Spring

it's a Monday.

i woke up to snow.

wow really?

isn't it the first day of Spring?

dang.

so typical of Utah.

i am going to embrace it.

{work with me girls.}

i can't believe it's been well over a week since my last blog post.

time flies when you're having fun in Arizona i guess.

tee hee.

i had a great week in sunny beautiful Arizona last week.

i love being there.

it's home to me.

i spent the week with Bazzill working on new lines for CHA Summer and a fun Mid-Release we are working on with Janet Hopkins.

{ichatting with Janet}

it's DARLING.

i love being in the Bazzill office with the team.

{vintage marketplace}

we got a lot done.

i am going to be going to AZ every 2 weeks for a few days.

totally loving the idea.

excited about the future with Bazzy.

what we are creating.

the CHA Summer lines are going to be delish.

it always feels so good to be in Arizona.

the sun is amazing.

the weather was perfection.

spending time with Lorie and the family is always great.

seeing dear friends.

eating the best Mexican food ever.

{my fave}

we only lived in Arizona for 5 years but it has stayed with me.

it truly is home.

on Wednesday Lorie and I took a day to shop.

we hit Melrose in Scottsdale.

i could have spent several days there.

the shopping was amazing.

so many fun little shops.

too many to fit into one day.

another trip is in order.

so many little antique shops we didn't have time for.

good thing i am going back at the end of the month!

can't wait!

a week in Arizona always does me good.

good for the soul.

i spent the weekend catching up.

with life.

the house, the kids, Lola and all of the people i love.

Friday night had dinner with Gladdy and Meg.

Saturday night with Todd, Lorie and Scotty.

they came up for some last of the season skiing.

too bad the snow was crap.

and they had to go home Saturday night.

it's been snowing in the mountains since they left.

bummer.

i love a lazy weekend.

spent most of it in jammies.

putting away supplies from Spark your Spring.

thanks to Rhonna and her amazing Spring Circus desings and Brooke putting this together!

getting ready to decorate for Spring.

doing a little housework.

just being home.

Spark your Spring starts today.

Registration is still open and you can jump into the class at anytime and go at your own pace.

lots of fun projects for Spring!

with the snow outside i am going to have to "create" Spring inside!

today's Monday.

ready to start out a great week.

it's supposed to be Spring by Saturday!

i for one am looking forward to it!

i am feeling good.

the pile i have been sitting on is getting smaller.

happy monday.

kiss kiss

m.

 

Do what you love & Spark your Spring.

Happy Friday.

i want to thank you all for the words of encouragement as well as sharing with me your stories.

know that i read every comment.

it feels so good to know that i am not alone in my struggle.

but makes me sad so many people suffer.

i hope that Wednesday's post got you thinking about doing something for someone else.

take your mind of off your pile for a while.

i am still getting to e-mails and Facebook messages, so bare with me.

i want to say, i am not a councelor, nor do i have any type of training.

i am just a girl who has some life experience and am willing to share it.

for me it helps to hear what is working for other people who struggle.

in the art community that i work and live in it seems like so many creative people struggle.

i have many creative friends who have battled depression.

i think talking about it helps.

sharing ideas.

getting through it together.

i don't want my blog to turn into a "depression blog" but it's part of my life and the response has me feeling like i do have a voice.

one of the things that has helped me and brought so much joy into my life is being creative.

doing what i love.

i love making stuff.

i love being in my studio surrounded by my stuff.

stuff i have designed.

stuff i am working on.

pretty jars filled with ribbons, buttons and flowers.

rows of paint and glitter.

my studio is my happy place.

so i create.

i am looking forward to Spring!

Spring has to be one of my favorite times of the year.

after the long, cold and dreary winter here in Utah i am ready.

ready for blue skies, green grass, sunshine and flowers.

the last few weeks in my studio i have been creating.

getting ready for Spring.

taking down my Valentine's decor has me inspired to put up Spring.

i love having a project.

it keeps me busy during down times.

i have created a new online class.

Spark your Spring.

the class is filled with fun stuff.

honestly it has brought me so much joy.

my house is thrashed.

but i don't care.

it means i am creating.

this class will have 3 days of jam packed workshops.

Spring decor, Easter ideas, kid crafts and party decor, gift giving, even some altered clothing ideas!

i have loved creating it.

 

 

 

 

 

i hope you join me in doing something you love.

Spark your Spring has been a labor of love.

love for Spring.

love for creating.

happy Friday!

kiss kiss

m.

the journey.

first of all.

i want to say.

thank you.

i have been overwhelmed with comfort by your comments.

i have read every one.

i am still replying to e-mails and personal messages of Facebook.

replied to texts and phone calls.

i am grateful.

all it took was reaching out.

telling my story.

coming out of hibernation.

i hope some of you if not all of you who read my words and suffer from depression were inspired to reach out.

what i know.

we are not alone.

if we seek the help we need.

so many amazing women struggle.

and men.

on Sunday i woke feeling down.

really down.

so i took some advise a friend gave me.

in stead of sitting in my shit and spreading it.

i spread a little love.

each day i say goodnight to my children via text.

it's a ritual.

no matter where i am i try to connect with them before i go to sleep.

tell them simply, "goodnight. love you."

Sunday i decided to tell the people in my life who have made an impact a simple i love you text.

it took well over an hour.

i simply text i love you.

i went through my phone texting away.

it was a visual way for me to see all of the amazing people in my life.

a great reminder of how grateful i am for them.

the texts came flying back.

my heart was full.

this friend's advise was simply,

tell the people you love " i love you."

it got me up, out of my funk and in return my heart was full of love.

it's sometimes the little things.

again, we never know who is struggling themselves.

i got more than one reply that said "You don't know how much i needed this today."

do it.

now that we are on this journey together i hope i can share what is working.

i hope in return you share with me too.

together we can lift, support and from time to time pull each other up out of the shit.

take a small step today.

tell the people you love simply.

"i love you."

the same friend also suggested and said it has worked for her was to do a random act of kindness for someone you love.

love this idea.

when we are thinking of others it's hard to be only thinking of ourselves.

truth.

story:

After my brother took his life the people who love my parents surrounded them.

someone dealt with the car.

cleaned it.

sold it.

my parents never had to see it.

a few months after his death their next door neighbor came and cleaned my brother's room.

took all of his clothing and put into boxes.

she did the things that we as a family weren't ready to do.

we were paralyzed.

several months past.

the people who loved us were still surrounding us with love and support.

the shock was gone.

reality of his death had settled.

we were getting back to our lives.

that same next door neighbor came back to my parents.

she had taken my brothers clothing and created the most self-less gift.

my brother Jim was a big man.

6ft tall, broad shoulders, big smile. Huge smile. huge hands that were gnarly from his work. he was a roofer.

anyway, she had taken his shirts, he always wore a flannel shirts.

she created a quilt.

presented it to my parents on the year anniversary of his death.

it was amazing.

a reminder of him.

it was symbolic of the comfort the people who loved us had given.

what a gift.

for years my mother took that quilt around to her many speaking engagements and told the "story" made people aware of depression and the story of serving one another.

depression isn't a secret.

you shouldn't feel shame.

depression is a disease.

like cancer.

diabetes.

alcoholism.

if you don't reach out the people you love won't know.

i know.

we are pros at hiding it.

"i'm fine."

right.

it's time to not settle for FINE.

it's time to be GREAT.

if you are lucky enough to not suffer i am sure you know someone in your life that you love that does.

reach out to them.

love them.

love each other.

spread love.

tell the people in your life you love them.

look for ways to serve.

share your good.

you will never know the impact you may have.

happy wednesday.

again,

thank you for being there.

kiss kiss

m.