i have been blogging for years now.
i normally don't share my "private" life here on my blog.
i keep that for myself.
for my family.
i have a pretty "public" life.
i am fairly OPEN.
i do control what i share.
i have felt so impressed to share some very personal feelings with you who read my blog.
stuff i have been going through.
i don't know all of you who read my blog.
but i know you're out there.
i love reading your comments.
love knowing that i am not talking to myself.
maybe i am feeling like i should share because one of you needs to hear what is in my heart.
and it will touch your heart and you will share it too.
for me even typing it is hard.
i am the girl who is happy all the time.
i make people laugh.
it's my job.
to be fun all the time.
the cool mom.
the fun friend.
Depression isn't new for me.
it has been part of my entire life.
i had a brother who chose to take his life 21 years ago.
he was a drug and alcohol addict.
he suffered from depression.
i have children who have and do struggle with depression.
from time to time in my own life i have struggled with it.
for me it has been situational.
i've been struggling.
i came home from CHA.
the show felt so good.
i felt at home with Bazzill.
the product looked great.
the response was positive.
i was happy.
then i got sick.
i hadn't been that sick for a long time.
kicked my butt.
was in bed for several days.
since then i have struggled to get up each day.
face my life.
my heart tells me i should be happy.
i have a great life.
whom i love.
a great job that i love.
a darling home i am so happy in.
so many amazing supportive friends.
but my head tells me differently.
i've been in a slump.
i haven't wanted to admit it to anyone.
i'm the happy girl.
then it hit me.
the other day i was texting back and forth with one of my best friends.
she and i were talking about "stuff."
i was worried about her and some of the challenges she was having.
then she finally admitted.
"i am struggling."
it was like a light bulb went off in my mind.
ASK FOR HELP.
as we continued our conversation.
i knew there was nothing i wouldn't do to help, support or love this friend.
and she would do the same for me.
i just had to,
ASK FOR HELP.
if you have a friend that is struggling reach out.
listen to your heart.
ask if they need help.
write a note.
listen to the promptings of your heart.
right when i needed it.
what a gift.
life is filled with challenges.
ups and downs.
the roller coaster.
i have talked about it on my blog plenty.
i have faced many trials.
i am struggling.
let my heart win.
it's stronger than my head.
i have a theory about trials.
i have shared it with friends.
at Brave Girls' Camp.
i want to share it here.
i am going to speak pretty plainly.
i may offend some of you.
it's to make a point.
our lives are filled with trials.
no one has it easy.
regardless of what you think.
i believe that the Lord knows each and every one of us.
i believe in a God who created me and you.
a higher power.
i believe that only he knows me more than i know myself.
he knows how strong i am.
i know he won't give me more than i can handle.
i know he loves me unconditionally.
life is about being challenged.
there is going to be shit to deal with.
sometimes we feel knee deep in shit.
it makes us stink.
we are not happy sitting in our shit.
i know we are here to make choices.
what do we do with our shit.
we can hide it.
pretend that it's not there.
but it still stinks.
we can share it.
spread our shit all over the people we love.
then everyone stinks.
we can go back to the pile.
some people love their shit.
they go back to the pile continually.
i believe we have a choice.
we can face our shit.
we can wash it off.
and walk away from it.
be rid of it.
shit will always be there.
more challenges will be faced.
it's what you choose to do that can change your life.
the lives of others.
i know for a fact that through my struggles, challenges and trials i have become who i am today.
it has brought me compassion.
made me strong.
able to face my shit.
i have been able to look back after i have walked away from the shit and i knew why i had to face it.
go thorough the trial.
it has brought some amazing people in my life.
people who i have been able to help.
who have helped me.
we always have a choice.
ASK FOR HELP.
right now, i am digging my way out of a pile.
i see the light at the end of this tunnel.
i am cleaning myself off and walking away from the pile.
some days i force myself to get out of bed.
do what it takes to not to HIBERNATE.
if you struggle.
YOU are NOT ALONE.
ask for HELP.
face your shit.
i'm still struggling.
i know there is a light.
i've asked for help.
taken it to the Lord.
he knows me.
he is always there.
if i felt i couldn't do it alone, or with the support of family & my friends i would seek a professional.
i have before.
if you're struggling like so many of us.
do what you need for YOU.
we are not alone.
thanks for being here.